One morning I work up in my bed in a city that I had spent six years in, and my heart was broken. It had been aching for a couple of months now .. and it wasn’t a man. “I don’t feel at Home here anymore.” I finally managed to gather up the courage to admit.
The next couple of months were filled with down periods where I was struggling with the essence of ‘Home’. Home not only where I resided … but home within myself. This was what inspired me to go on a pilgrimage journey .
What is a Pilgrimage? Well I would define it as a seeking journey, where one leaves the comforts of what they know to be their city, friends and family- in order to engage the Great Mystery and explore their edge of personal transformation.
I don’t particularly suggest it to everyone.. Because one has to be prepared to leave in search of new horizons and entertain the real possibility of not returning to their old life. You pretty much need to tighten your balls to stomach it.
~ True identity ~
( end of survival identity)
This is truly an interesting one. Being away on your own will really show you your talents and your pitfalls like the yin- yang. I love one of Carl Jung quotes where he shares ” we do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, we do it by making the shadow conscious” . I think its important to know when we can add value to a situation and when we would cause more harm than good. Consciousness of our shadow and light aspects contributes to understanding ourselves deeper.
Whenever I examine survival identity, I also think “what do I REALLY need to survive and get through my day?” .
I realized as I journeyed .. not much really .
~ Delight in the mystery ~
(end of resistance to the unknown )
When on a pilgrimage, there is no other choice but to engage the Great Mystery. And this is beautiful, because one is inspired to look at life from the eyes a child- each day is filled with new possibilities and no expectations/ obligations. One can choose to see this mysterious aspect as a stressor or they can engage with it in play. This provides many different perspectives through experiences that are guided by delight within the mystery. This aspect also sharpens ones instincts and senses, it calls one to be more attentive, to be more in the now- within the Holy Instant, – lest they miss their opportune door of the day. Each person, each experience, each meal is savoured, bringing a sense of wonder within one’s life.
~ Honouring Cooperation ~
( end of manipulation)
This shift happens when we begin to honour our interdependence, which is a vulnerable place to begin. We begin to meet each other with a certain respect as though we each have something to contribute to each other. Regardless of age, physical circumstances, economic differences, – we each have a piece to teach each other from where we are anchored in life. On a journey, one actually depends on this phenomenon, because it could be the key to your next meal, hot shower, next city or bed for the night.
Also on a journey one is very aware of their lack of information, therefore a sharpening of discernment is crucial, as one may need to rely on co-operation to ensure safety and progress. This however doesn’t meant that we will not find situations that will reflect our own manipulation, or manipulation by others. Like mentioned before – the sharpening of personal discernment is key.
~ Receiving Support ~
( end of radical self reliance)
Refer to above 🙂 . When it comes to support, one is inspired to open themselves up to receiving. This may be a tough one for many of us in our society.. because when someone is good receiver in our society they are often called a ‘user’ or ‘selfish’. However when on a journey, its amazing the ways that you will attract exactly what you NEED as compared to what you want. Its also interesting how social one may feel while they are travelling alone, if they are open to receiving support from others.
~ Freedom of expression ~
( the end of denial )
In all the time that one has on their own while journeying, it wont be too long until one gets very real with themselves. And to be honest, being on a journey is a definite reality check because real dangers exist out there that could be life threatening. Which means – there is little time for denial and all the opportunity for awareness. (Ones survival might depend on it). Communication as well as expression from a balanced place of truth, becomes essential.
~ Essence of love ~
( the end of confusion about love)
When journeying solo, it is inevitable that we will be faced with memories that depict the unlovable aspects of ourselves. Eventually one comes to the realization that love truly begins within ourselves. That we cannot experience and give love from an empty cup. We need to fill our love cups first, & that is the only way that we can truly and authentically share love with others. This helps with healing abusive relationships where there have been confusions about how we have interpreted love in the past. A simple realization that love begins within us dawns…
~ Being a humble servant to spirit ~
( the end of pride and unworthiness)
“Life doesn’t owe me anything, everything is a gift” is one powerful realization that I had while journeying. It invited a lot of gratitude into my life and saved me in the many times that old entitlements and expectations within the life I used to live creeped up on me. And made me feel frustrated. Whenever I think ‘pride’ I also think entitlement. And my remedy to this was absolute gratitude for each day and especially the simple things like a meal, a hug, a great conversation, quiet time to breathe…
~ Being in touch with current reality ~
( end of illusion and projection )
Projection is an interesting phemonemon. It points to interpreting our reality based on past filters. Projection says “because this happened to me in the past, this will happen to me again in the future” and it applies to both good situations and bad situations. It is simply the attachment to the past and the false expectation of the future. One potent way of dealing with this is forgiving past scenarios and situations.
~ Trusting your intuition ~
(end of self doubt )
I always love to point to the word “IN- TUITION”. Usually when we speak about ‘tuition’ we seem to be referring to payment rendered to a school, or educational institution. However IN-TUITION, tends to point to the fact that the schooling or educational institution is actually within ourselves. Ways of paying attention to our intuition while journeying may be through intently listening to our emotions, dreams and inspirations.
~ Knowing is enough ~
( end of compulsive seeking )
When I think of the word ‘knowing’ , I find resonance with the word ‘indigenous’ too. Some synonyms used to describe the word Indigenous include: innate, inborn, inherent & natural. When we talk about indigenous, we are calling forth an ancient part of ourselves. The parts within us that know a simpler time. The parts within us that remember a more connected time. The word Indigenous also points to the notion that this is something that is not outside of ourselves. That it is actually all within.
I think that ‘knowing’ is such a broad concept that I would rather refer to the word -indigenous as it relates to the ‘end of compulsive seeking’.
Do you have other reflections other than the ones I mentioned?
What inspires you to journey into self discovery?